Momma said there’d be days like this.. Days like this are the days I want to talk to my mom the most. Visiting her grave, talking out loud to myself, well, it’s just not the same. I’m used to being able to jump in my car and go hug her, cry on her shoulder, and just be me. Vulnerable Emily. She knew all my scars, mistakes, and yet loved me unconditionally anyway. When the storms of life rage on I crave that hug. That comfort in her arms. That’s security I always felt. That reassuring voice that everything was going to be ok. To just let it out. No judgement, just mother and child doing what God created us to do. Love on each other.
Since her death the whole in my heart feels like it’s getting bigger. The shock of her death is gone now. Over the past couple of years I have so much I want to tell her, need to tell her. I need to tell her how much I miss her. How hard it has been without her. Yet I feel so selfish for wanting her back. She was in so much pain. I could never let her go through that again. I love her too much. But the family chain broke the day she took her last breath. When I am gone, my children will have that broken chain too.
What are some ways you cope with missing your loved one so bad that it physically knocks you down? I like to put on a movie, music, or read a good book. Let my mind drift away for a while.
I pray for all of you out there that can relate to this pain. Please reach out to me, I would love to pray for you. It helps to know that you not alone.